Brown Book Loft Blog

V:3 I’m jealous of my wife. There’s no reason for it. I know I’m going to lose her if I don’t quit.

Jealousy had gotten the best of Olivia. She wasn’t jealous of her husband, Gavin, but she was jealous of any woman who looked at him. Gavin’s comment to us was, “She’s even jealous when I play with the kids. Frankly, I just want to run, but I need to save my marriage for their sake. If I left, she’s do everything she could to keep me from seeing them.”

Olivia refused to go to a counselor or a psychologist, but she liked our books. Her husband Gavin hoped that we could help her make a change Gary was doing the same thing to his wife. Though she’d never been with anyone else, and although she made sure he was with her when she went anywhere and clearly was in love with the man – he was really jealous. It all came to a head when after church they got into a huge argument because she’d talked to a guy in their small group meeting. It didn’t matter that Gary had been there to see exactly what she had done. No, they hadn’t been talking about anything but the preacher’s morning message. Yes, when Gary walked up, she pulled him in close and put her arm around him.

But Gary’s imagination went wild. He started thinking of all sorts of things that his wife could have been talking about to the other guy during the first couple of minutes of conversation. He demanded to know exactly what had been said, why they were talking and what was said about him. His wife patiently answered the first few questions, but as Gary got angrier, she dissolved into tears, wondering what she had done to deserve this attack. She loved her husband but this had gone too far.

But Gary’s imagination went wild. He started thinking of all sorts of things that his wife could have been talking about to the other guy during the first couple of minutes of conversation. He demanded to know exactly what had been said, why they were talking and what was said about him. His wife patiently answered the first few questions, but as Gary got angrier, she dissolved into tears, wondering what she had done to deserve this attack. She wanted to save their marriage, but this was so awful, she wasn’t sure any more.

Although most jealous people don’t become abusers, some do. Popular culture has been quick to point out these cases and glorify them. In 1984, a movie entitled The Burning Bed starred the late Farrah Fawcett as the battered wife of a jealous, controlling husband startled the viewing world. In real life, rock legend Tina Turner, who left an abusive marriage, wrote the story of her miseries in I, Tina, from which the movie, What’s Love Got to Do with It? was made in 1993.

Even marriages that are strong in every other way can succumb to jealousy. They seem to have a need to fasten an iron grip on people, jobs, ideas and attitudes and tighten that grip if anything starts to slip. They can crush the life out of the people and projects they are associated with by smothering them. These people have to learn how to react properly if they want to preserve their position in life and save their marriages.

Gentle and levelheaded people can even be effected by jealous feelings. Their jealousy evidences itself in dependency. Others soon tire of their clinging and feel suffocated by their possessiveness, so they find excuses not to be around them. They, too, need lessons on how to save their marriages.

Even gentle people can be jealous if they are insecure and fearful. Their jealousy evidences itself in dependency. Others soon tire of their clinging and feel suffocated by their possessiveness, so they find excuses not to be around them. Even the other partner needs to have support to make a change. Envy and jealousy can occur in your relationships with everyone. If you haven’t conquered the demon, you may be unkind toward your spouse’s relatives – especially your mother-in-law. You may even be envious of your husband’s or wife’s successes.

Jealousy makes everyone involved feel awful. It is like a cancer that gnaws at relationships. It’s ugly. The Substitution Technique; or shall we call it our Save My Marriage Technique can help you change the pattern. It’s essential because many marriages and relationships are destroyed by jealousy. Get rid of the fire spitting beast and safeguard your marriage. Before you drive your loved one any further away, download or send for our material.

We help people overcome jealousy with our Substitution Technique; or shall we call it our Save My Marriage Technique? It’s essential because many marriages and relationships are destroyed by jealousy. Get rid of the fire spitting beast and safeguard your marriage. Don’t drive your spouse away with your jealous rage. You can save your marriage. Go to www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com. Get rid of jealousy. Our marriage saving material is exactly what you need.

Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

All marriages are worth saving, Save your marriage today, and receive separate help for women

Mark became furious when his wife, Mindy, had an affair. “He’s a jerk!” Mark fumed. That “jerk” was doing the things for her that Mark used to do before they were married. Mr. Jerk gave Mindy the feelings of love and devotion that she had been missing from Mark. Mark was very much in love with his wife. Unfortunately the only time he showed her that side was when he was in the mood for sex. Even then it was nothing much but raw passion. He wasn’t able to save his marriage.

Mindy then went on to marry the “jerk” and was doomed to repeat the same patterns of neglect she had been in with Mark. That doesn’t surprise us here at Love Relationship Headquarters. That’s why we have felt compelled to help people get on a different pathway in their lives.

Women want to be worshipped and adored outside the bedroom as well as within. When a women does not get the feelings of appreciation outside the bedroom she will not feel like what she is getting in the bedroom is enough. Women want to receive attention for other things she is good at. Phyllis told us how her husband parks himself in front of the TV from the time he comes home to the time he goes to bed. He even ate his dinner in front of the TV. “I hate to say I’m jealous of the boob tube,” she said, “but I feel as if he doesn’t know I’m alive. I resent it.”

She longs for attention from her guy in other ways, too. Jerilou complained that her husband plopped down in front of the TV the minute he got home for work, insisted that they eat in front of it, and watched it afterward until bedtime. “I hate to say I’m jealous of the boob tube,” she said, “but I feel as if he doesn’t know I’m alive. I resent it.”

Women need to know they count. That they’re more important to their husbands than other things in the men’s world. It does not matter what it is – if something is placed before your women she will feel neglected..

Both of you, if you haven’t been filling each other needs to the fullest there is no time like the present to get started. If you’re rusty at it, or never quite knew how, that’s why we’re here – to help you. Strengthening and saving marriages is our business. It’s what we’ve spent our lives learning how to do. We’ve seen a lot of successes because our message is unique.

Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

All marriages are worth saving, Save your marriage today, and get separate help for women

An attendee at one of our seminars wrote for Question/Answer time: My spouse is always angry or unhappy so much of the time that it’s rubbing off on our kids – even the one who used to be all sunshine. Nothing they or I do pleases her. Frankly, I don’t know if I can stand much more of this. I’d like to save my marriage for the kids’ sake, but I’m wondering.

Being a cranky, touchy person becomes a habit, don’t you think? There are both men and women who make it a habit of complaining about their spouses. Most people are what they have been becoming since childhood. They don’t see themselves that way; they excuse their behavior by saying that they are just being realistic, so they see no need to change. It is miserable to live with, we agree. However, Mr. or Mrs. Negative can change. We’ve spoken of this is our save-your-marriage material at our Love Relationship Headquarters. We talk about cranky, critical, ornery people, because we run across them in our counseling.

If your wife is Mrs. Cranky, we taught our client and students (not wanting to point out the man because his wife was there with him), teach your children the better way by being cheerful and positive regarding everything. Refuse to join the Forces of Negatives. Find a positive to bring up for every negative.

One way is: you can play a game with your children where they are to think of a positive for a negative that you throw at them. “Okay, Kids, it’s pouring down rain and you can’t play outside. Think of 3 reasons why you should be happy about that.” [Suggested answers: Rain helps food grow so we can eat; Rain is God's provision for keeping the earth green and beautiful; You (or we) can pop corn and play a table game inside.]

Rain is just one idea. You can think of hundreds of ways to teach your children to think positively. Try it for a few months, and if your wife doesn’t catch the spirit by then, tell her that you are concerned about her health. When she asks you why, you can say, “You’re so pretty when you smile. And you seldom smile anymore. The kids are noticing it, too. I want you to be happy. I’ve been reading about that. Maybe you aren’t getting proper rest. Or you may be suffering from low blood sugar or hormones that are out of synch. Whatever it is, I’ll do everything I can to help. It wouldn’t hurt for both of us to have a thorough checkup.”

Be prepared! She may meet your efforts indignantly with a barrage of things you should be doing yourself, or the kids should be doing, so she CAN smile more. It this occurs you will need to control your children’s response. Otherwise, cart her off to a medical doctor who can look for hidden causes behind the sourpuss attitude.

One thing she definitely needs is to read our material and books written just for women at Love Relationship Headquarters. We have a bunch there for you, too, Sir…material that will guide you into being a much better husband and father. Get her – and you – started on them now and you won’t have to write us for help in the future. We want you to keep your marriage strong. Save your marriage is our motto.

Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

All marriages are worth saving, Save your marriage today, and get separate help for women

Ethan, a professional man, was angry and calling his wife all sorts of names when he came to us. “She’s having an affair with a guy she met at a roller skating rink. I just found out.” He became very tearful. “What can I do? I love her. I want to save my marriage.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t understand. I’ve always been a good husband.”

But he hadn’t been a good husband – not really. At least, not in her opinion. When I had the chance to talk with her she told me, “I put up with him as long as I could. I needed someone who would love me the way I needed.” Although they blamed each other, both were at fault; but in her disillusionment she started looking elsewhere outside her marriage and “fell in love” with the first guy who gave her attention. She began a love affair with him. That didn’t last, so she was off looking for another guy. Meanwhile their children floundered.

People have more reasons to justify their forays into adultery than a centipede has legs. Fortunately, physical adultery still shocks people – and especially if the faithless are famous, like Tiger Woods, or Jesse James, the husband of Sandra Bullock. At this time, it doesn’t look like either one is going to be able to save his marriage. Having sex with someone other than your own spouse can smash trust, destroy your marriage and damage your children.

Having an affair emotionally or mentally can be adultery as well. People are often caught when they are having virtual sex because the proof is in emails and web browsers. Emotional disloyalty, by choosing someone other than your spouse as your closest confidant and friend, when there are romantic undertones, chips away at married closeness and can escalate into physical betrayal.

V:3 Once trust has been destroyed, most of those marriages fail. It is at that point in time that the one who cheated sometimes realizes just how much he/she has sacrificed, and there is a desire to make things better. Can it be done? Absolutely. Will it be easy? You already know the answer to that. But with the right information, it is a lot easier than most think.

Some of the biggest problems arise when the one who has had the affair is sorry, swears he/she will never do it again and then expects the offended one to forgive and forget and let the marriage go back to the way it was immediately. Forgiveness is only the first part of the process. It takes time and some very specific actions on the part of the offender. Second, though the one who has cheated often just wants things to go back to normal – they really DON’T want that. That NORMAL was what got them into trouble in the first place. What they want is a better, stronger, happier marriage. They just don’t know how to get it. The good news is that things can improve. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn’t just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.

Fortunately, it can be done. Time after time, we have seen couples who have experienced adultery go through the rebuilding process, follow the steps that they need to follow, and find that they didn’t just save their marriages, they made them much better than before.

If you are in a difficult union, it is far easier to start right now, using clearly defined steps, like those we at Love Relationship Headquarters have laid out, to make the marriage you have dynamic and exciting. You can prvent the pain of cheating and improve your relationship. Find us and all the steps you need, whether you have gone through the frustration of adultery or not at www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com.

You ask us, “Can you save my marriage?” We would ask you to look in the mirror and ask, “Can WE save this marriage?” We can help, yes, but the actual process takes two – you and your spouse.

Margaret Hardisty International Best Selling Author and Speaker Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com

All marriages are worth saving, Save your marriage today, and receive separate help for men.